Ho’oponopono: This is supposedly a Hawaien healing technique. Its formula is simple: for every unpleasant person that you encounter, and for every thought or aspect of you that comes up and you don’t like it, the most simple way of healing it is by repeating a simple formula in its right spirit: “I am sorry, Please Forgive me, Thank You, I Love You’.
Hmmm…. what is this? Not a big deal…we all know those words? Am I trying to fool you or have I lost my mind? We all learnt that in school, and no big deal…yeah we all know that we have to forgive, we all know that we have to thank, say please etc. It’s such a big trite. What am I trying to do with that by giving a fancy name and attribute a fancy country and naming it as a magical healing technique? Let me try to explain. Thank you for being patient.
First part : ‘Forgive me, I am sorry.’ This is the first step for ‘taking full responsibility’. It says ‘I am not aware how I have participated in creating this situation or attracting this person’s behavior. I am sorry. Forgive me.’ So instead of using Forgive me when you admit to doing a mistake, the paradigm here is, when you perceive somebody else has made a mistake especially against you, you say Forgive me to say the laws of the universe, or the Dharma or the Divine, or some higher force or simply to yourself if you are a complete atheist.
Well, its admitting that aware or unaware, you have participated definitely in that encounter and actually have contributed to the cause of that encounter, even if that encounter involved a cruel person abusing you, a liar deceiving you, or simply the ‘system’ or the ‘government’ or the selfish boss or family or parental abuse. ‘I am not a saint or a Gandhi or a Jesus, I am an ordinary commoner, tell me something else and you stop preaching’ … I can almost hear that retort.
We all have heard about ‘As we sow, so shall we reap’…It’s not that we don’t believe all that, it might just be that applying it seems like asking too much from us. And more so when somebody abuses us or the govt gives us trouble..then the rule doesn’t seem to apply and how will it help anyways, right? Dont worry, that’s just what I felt too when I first read about this.
When a person, so evidently unfair and cruel, inflicts harm on us, the first thing we want to do is to teach them how not to be cruel and how it’s not easy for them to harm me and to show them what it is doing to the innocent me. ‘Now how the hell are WE responsible for that? And why the hell should I say Forgive me, I am sorry ….. its they that owe me that… ! ‘…..?? And we spend all our mental energy in puffing and ranting.
Or on the other extreme, we feel helpless and feel that we don’t deserve all that unfairness and feel entitled to experience justice and love for whatever has happened. And we ask Why Me! to our Gods.
Its uncomfortable and the first most difficult step to take, because it’s very hard for us to understand or make sense to our highly programmed mind. But if we only take that step, it’s no less than amazing. It clears much-needed space and energy in our minds to look at the whole situation with clarity, love and wisdom and enables us to communicate and act in a way that benefits ourselves and others.
Well whats the rationale behind it anyways? If you make an effort to try to understand what the masters of mind and spirit have told us about karma, yelled at us in fact in many ways, and you believe it, then well and good. The new age thinkers say its simply a scripted beliefs in our unconscious, a programming that our mind has picked up while growing up, or some thoughts and energy deep within our mind like fear or scarcity or lack of esteem, which CREATES a vibration in you, an emotion in you, that attracts that particular encounter and the energy that it calls for. Interesting. But today I cannot go to the himalayas, do the hard work and find and confirm the truth about this and turn the clock again? Its talking about first principles of humanity…however preachy that it might sound, so what’s the harm in giving it a try?
Come on, lets give it a trial..its after all what almost all religions have proclaimed and wisdom keeps telling us this. Today I ask you to re-look at this common wisdom, a little deeper and see how it can help you powerfully. Many people today have applied this and found it to be healing and giving them wonderful results in their life. That’s how I found about this technique by the way.
Ok, say I take that leap of faith and I start to believe I am responsible for almost every situation that crosses my path instead of always feeding our habit at finding the fault only at the system, at the government, at the kind of people or environment, the country we live in or the religion that we are born into, oh well…just about anything… and I will keep saying to myself…’I am sorry. Forgive me’. Then the next hindrance that we might get to face is self-blame, resistance and denial. ‘So it means that I should be a horrible person at heart to be having this difficult encounter, to be having this horrible failure, or to be having this horrible boss, or this horrible work or relationship situation?’. Gosh, then am I supposed to sink in depression and how the hell does that help anyway?
Nooooooooo. Just take a second look at the formula, it says, Thank you, I love you.
Thank you, I love you, I love you, I love you. ( 3 times is intentional ).
I love you – first time- is for respecting and loving my own consciousness for having the courage to take full responsibility, for having the faith that whatever it is in me that caused this CAN get healed and I have already taken that step…. I am lovely…. I love you ( to myself ) and I thank myself. This releases depression or self-blame and helps to warmly embrace the situation or that hard emotion of rage, anger that I naturally feel or that thought or that habit without remorse or a negative state of mind which will only hinder us. Without wasting energy on rage for the people or the situation outside, or wasting energy in repenting with self-blame or hurt, you now have energy to respond to it intelligently, assertively and with love and that’s the vibration you create when you say ‘I love you’ to yourself in that spirit. You make way for that other person or situation to feel your higher vibrations and actually react to those vibrations instead of reacting to your weaker vibrations…that’s smart, if its true…. isn’t it?
I love you – second time…is for the visible and invisible, discovered and undiscovered laws of the universe, or the Dharma or the God or the Allah whatever you wish to call it… it is trying to help me with all its warmth. Thank you for them for bringing this encounter for me, because they are trying to reach something to me with love… a message and an opportunity for healing. Now this is a much better choice than saying ‘Why me’ ? Its much more self-empowered than wallowing in self-pity and being self-sabotaging. It’s a choice which you can make with your head high and chest forward in any kind of dire situation.
I love you – third time , is for the situation itself….for all people and things involved there are also on some higher unconscious level participating in this act of love…of helping me heal. This is the hardest. Its a very natural doubt that we all can get…. ‘oh but that person is so evil and he enjoys so much of wealth and abundance and nice things in life…how is that? Am I worser than that person or how the hell is that anyways? and How the hell can I think he/she actually wants to heal me and how the hell can I say even just in my mind, ‘I love you’ to that person or situation?’
Well, remember that you don’t know whats going on with that person really. There are things that can come to one’s experience, through intensity of focus. A vibration of wealth doesn’t discriminate if you are moral or immoral…it just comes to anybody who has that intensity of intention and who is able to bring that vibration in their mind that is appropriate for wealth….and work towards it….that vibration is neither moral nor immoral. Whether that person is cruel or kind…wealth simply doesn’t have an eye to see, it just goes to those with that vibration of intention. So take away that thought of entitlement of deservedness, and spend more energy on what are your personal values, what is your intention, and how clear your mind is….whether you want wealth by being manipulative and greedy or you want wealth with a mind that is more full of gratitude and joy…is left to your choice.
But definitely, when somebody or something upsets you, you simply want to get your calm and peace right? Does a reactive and blaming train of thought give you that peace or give you sleepless nights? What can you do today which helps you sleep peacefully, yet put the right efforts towards what you deeply feel as appropriate in such situations?
Normally, when somebody or some situation upsets us or irritates us, our state of mind hardens, becomes brittle and rough. In that state, clarity in dealing with the situation with calm and serenity and responding to it in a way that it really brings out the best out of it, is very difficult. For that our state of mind has to first change.
I invite you to try Ho’oponopono for every one of your unpleasant external situation or people and even to those aspects of your own self which you simply don’t like…. and see if it works the same magic for you, as it has for me. It simply opens your mind and spirit to access your own inner wisdom and find a solution to your situation with a high vibrational inner energy or well in simple terms with ’emotional intelligence’.
Even if you are not yet ready to do this for those who abuse you straight.. simply try it with your loved ones….or friends and acquaintances who might irritate you now and then, or your work situation…etc… keep trying it in all these situations and see the release that it will bring to you. You will experience what it means to ‘let go’ and respond to a situation, rather than uncontrollably dwell repeatedly in rage,hurt,sadness, helplessness, or entitlement. Its not bad to feel sad or hurt, but it’s simply not intelligent to dwell and respond from that center.
I discovered this recently and the practice of metta ( a loving kindness practice that I have learnt) deepened with this. Already it brought in a great deal of peace of mind and joy into my mind, when I was facing that friend who is very manipulative and scheming, or that person who irritated me and I simply disliked. It brought an amazing change of perspective for me, which made my mind quite pliable, softened and sharper more quickly. It even helps us be tough, when it needs us to be so…but in a way that is totally different from just retorting with reaction or lashing out at a person who tries to really hurt us unfairly.
Maybe it might sound a little ‘woo woo’…but it works…if you try it in the right spirit, whatever works is scientific because there’s the ’empirical evidence’…;-) Check this out, if you are more curious. http://hooponoponoworks.blogspot.in/2009/01/nothing-works-like-hooponopono.html).
Thought the least I can do is to dare to share these thoughts with you all and wonder if it will work for you too, if you have not already done that in some way or the other.
‘I am sorry, Please forgive me, Thank You, I Love You!’ …… :-).
I love Ho’oponopono…;-).